So the past year I've been working at a gas station.
The other day while Im working the register this
guy comes in with an obvious fake hair piece on.
So he grabs his shit, snickers bar etc. and then I ring him up.
I told him, your total is $9.56, how would you like to pay?

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-=Mercenary inDaGalaxy=-


















|,,| <(^.^)> |,, /

Two bats are hanging in their cave. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood."
The other bat is amazed and says, "Well, it’s a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die." "Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it."
So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth.
"You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat.
"You see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his mouth full of blood.
"Yeah, I think I do!"
"Well, I didn't."

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-=Mercenary inDaGalaxy=-


















|,,| <(^.^)> |,, /

redneck goes up to a judge and says "I want one of them there deevorces"

judge says "Alright son i can help you with this. do you have your self a case?"
redneck says "NOPE! got me a jon deer thoe."

"you moron thats not what im talking about." the judge then asks him "do you having any grounds?"
YEP! i sure do i got me about 40 arcers over yonder." said the redneck

the judge than just shakes his head and wonders how he can make this easy for him. "Do you have a grudge?"
redneck says "Hell yah i got one. Thats where i park my jondeer."

the judge now pissed as hell he than asked "IS YOUR WIFE A NAGGER?"
redneck than says "NOPE! kids are thoe thats why i want a deevorce."

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-=Mercenary inDaGalaxy=-


















|,,| <(^.^)> |,, /

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year old. "When you're
seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year old, "Eighty is the worst age
of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"


"I don't wake up until 7:00."

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-=Mercenary inDaGalaxy=-


















|,,| <(^.^)> |,, /

Strangest advice ever received....

Don't sneeze when you have diarrhea.

-=-

The rectum is very unsympathetic to the needs of the other body parts.

-=-

Which is why it's called an @$$Hole.

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-=Mercenary inDaGalaxy=-


















|,,| <(^.^)> |,, /

For you Catholics - http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa386/tschoepe1/100_0093.jpg

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-=Mercenary inDaGalaxy=-


















|,,| <(^.^)> |,, /

I recently had a visitor from the state of Texas. For three days all I heard from him was "In Texas we have the best this, the largest that, the fastest that," etc. It eventually became very annoying.

Being from Niagara Falls, I thought I could outdo him by showing him the "Magnificent Niagara", knowing there was nothing in Texas that could compare to this "Wonder of Water & Power".

While standing at the brink watching millions of gallons of water rushing over, I noticed the look of awe in his eyes. It was then I asked him: "Do you have anything like this in Texas"?

He waited a moment before he answered: "No, but we have a plumber that could fix it".

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-=Mercenary inDaGalaxy=-


















|,,| <(^.^)> |,, /

A young man has been stranded on a desert island. He hasn't seen a ship. plane or another human being for months. Suddenly. one day as he is staring out to sea, he spots what looks like a person thrashing in the surf. He immediately jumps up, runs into the water and pulls the poor soul out. after washing the sand off of the person our young man realizes that it is a woman. After some CPR she begins to breathe and as she is composing herself our guy, in disbelief, recognizes her as Angelina Jolie! Stranded together they eventually strike up a romance and before long they fall madly in love and are making love and screwing three times a day. One day the guy turns to her and says "Angelina, would you do me a favor?" She says" of course my love...anything for you" He goes on to explain how much he misses his best friend Bill and longs to have some "guy talk" and if she would cut her hair short and let him call her Bill. Angelina says that although it is a strange request she would go along with it. And with that she cuts her hair and presents herself. the young man is so happey he says "Hey Bill" She says "hey whats up?" He says......."Bill.....YOU ARE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE WHO I'M BANGING!!!

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-=Mercenary inDaGalaxy=-


















|,,| <(^.^)> |,, /

For you Catholics - http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa386/tschoepe1/100_0093.jpg

Is the devil in the background of that picture or am i freakin seeing things!!

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We have wings on our backs and we have horns on our heads, our fangs are sharp and our eyes are red, we're not quite demons or the one that fell, so choose to join us or go straight to hell!

Loyal as any dog.